


Human Among Them

by Ealasaid



Series: A Human Condition [3]
Category: 1917 (Movie 2019), Among Us (Video Game)
Genre: Alien Impostor(s) (Among Us), Alternate Universe - Among Us (Video Game) Setting, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Impostors are shapeshifters, Nightmares, Polus (Among Us), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shapeshifting, Torture, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:21:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29766468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ealasaid/pseuds/Ealasaid
Summary: Being Human, it turns out, is a lot of work.  Fortunately, Schofield is not forced to do it alone.
Relationships: Joseph Blake & Lieutenant Richards, Joseph Blake & Tom Blake, Joseph Blake & Tom Blake & Lieutenant Richards & William Schofield, Joseph Blake & William Schofield, Lieutenant Richards & William Schofield, Tom Blake & Lieutenant Richards, Tom Blake & William Schofield
Series: A Human Condition [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2088822
Comments: 46
Kudos: 16





	1. Thumb Wars

Being Human again is  _ Strange. _

Schofield cannot stop fidgeting. He stretches, finding he is bizarrely amused simply by straining against the safety harness in the shuttle to see how far he can stick his fingers out in front of him; then he does it with his toes. Being confined to one seat Does Not Suit this Younger body.

Ben and Joe talk, low. Schofield was listening to them for a bit, but it was hard for him to follow the conversation. They are quiet and it is difficult to pick up what they are saying over the sounds of the shuttle engines, which strain Loudly, being still Bound by the gravity of the planet. This is not a Space shuttle but a transport shuttle, taking them to the nearest Space-Capable waypoint.

Still, it isn't hard to see the way Ben is pretending Not to focus on Joe. Likewise, it is easy to sense Joe's faintly embarrassed excitement as he pretends not to Notice Ben's interest. Schofield almost catches himself Observing them Carefully, Dutifully Noting This Unusual Social Behavior, before he recalls he is Not a Saboteur for The Host anymore and it is Not his Duty. --And then he discovers that one of the disadvantages (advantages?) of being in this size of a body is that his boots drag satisfyingly against the floor, seated as he is in the Adult-Sized seats, and becomes absorbed in testing this New Limit.

His restlessness does not go unnoticed. Tom leans in and says, "Bored, eh?"

"I don't know," Schofield says, suddenly Very aware that he ought not Offend. Tom and Joe and Ben  _ did _ just save him. "It's sort of fun, being like this."

Tom looks at him and feels like  _ skepticism _ so strongly that Schofield knows that his own eyes cross in reaction. "Well, I know I can't  _ wait _ to get off," Tom says. "I hate being cooped up like this."

Schofield scuffs his boots some more on the linoleum sheeting of the shuttle floor. "This body wants to move," he admits. "It doesn't want to stay still."

"Here," Tom says, and holds out a hand. "Want to fight a thumb war?"

"What's that?"

Tom explains the nuances of Thumb Wars, which involves the Opposable Digit of the Human hands. They lock the rest of their fingers together and wave the Thumbs in the air, trying to Catch and Hold each other's thumb against their first knuckles. It works to distract Schofield for a while, particularly when Tom manages to get him all tangled up in his own thoughts and win for the first two rounds, but then Schofield gets the trick of it and catches and traps Tom's thumb easily for the next three Rounds. 

Tom becomes Annoyed. "How are you this strong?" he demands as Schofield catches his thumb and holds it against his knuckle for the requisite amount of seconds. Tom is attempting to pull it free and is not successful. "You're so little but I can't get out of this!" 

"You shouldn't get caught in the first place," Schofield says, triumph diminishing slightly in the face of Tom's dissatisfaction. "It never works out well."

There is a strange mood that settles in Tom at these words. He feels like guilt. "I guess," he says. 

Schofield isn't sure what is Wrong, exactly. Tom is avoiding looking at him and feeling increasingly Bad, and it is very uncomfortable, so Schofield takes Tom's hand and asks, "Are you all right?"

Tom frowns. "Am  _ I _ all right?" he repeats, incredulous. "Scho, you're the one who nearly got killed! And we couldn't even help you."

"What are you talking about?" Schofield asks, bemused. "You helped me plenty."

"We didn't even remember about you being able to revive until it was too late," Tom says, grim. "What if you hadn't escaped? We would never have gotten you back. And what if they come after you again?"

"They won't," Schofield answers immediately, intending to reassure. "They don't want their Peace disturbed."

Tom scowls at him, distress shifting into annoyance. "That's what Ben said," he tells Schofield, annoyed. "I don't see how you are all so sure about it. They  _ tortured _ you!"

Schofield is at a Loss. He is honestly surprised this is So Upsetting for Tom. He squeezes Tom's hand reassuringly and thinks of how to explain it.

"They could have pinned my murder on one of you and gotten you Voted," he begins slowly, "or it would have been easy to send you away -- transfer you elsewhere. Neither of these things happened, so they aren't there to cause trouble for Humans."

Tom doesn't say anything; he is listening closely. "Since it was just me they went after and me they interrogated about The Host, it is most likely that they want to be there and unbothered -- and are there without The Host's sanction. This makes their actions defensive, not aggressive," Schofield concludes. "They won't go looking for me when they think I'm already gone."

Tom thinks this over. Schofield keeps hold of his hand and Feels it when Tom squeezes back, finally, accepting his explanation. 

"Well," Tom says, "I'm still sorry we didn't remember about you reviving sooner."

"I'm not," Schofield replies. "Then you'd have had to fight them for me and everything would have come out. It'd be your word against theirs."

There is a shudder that bounces through the little craft. "Docking procedures initiated," says the pilot over the intercom, forestalling Tom's retort. "Please do not undo your harness until we are completely stationary."

The Space-Capable Station is the station high in this planet's Atmosphere, high enough that space-capable shuttles do not have to struggle to combat the planet's gravity for too long before breaking free for the relative ease of space navigation. It is high enough that anyone outside on the Docks have oxygen canisters attached to their suits and their helmets are mandatory.

The four of them hurry inside. The Space-Capable Station is not precisely busy past the airlock but it does seem busier than MIRA ever was, and, for Schofield,  _ far _ busier than the past month of quiet solitude in the Greenhouse. Too, a lot of the Humans are surprised by Schofield's presence; several of them look back at him after they Register his apparent youth and several more smile in what is intended to be a Particularly Friendly Manner.

Schofield is uncomfortable with this Level of notoriety. He is supposed to  _ not _ stand out -- to blend, to fade into the Background . . .

"Here," Joe says, noticing his reluctance. He puts his hand on Schofield's shoulder and pulls him close, so that Schofield is Tucked up against his side as they walk. (Schofield's head barely comes up to Joe's sternum.) Schofield appreciates this new position immediately; Joe is solid and reassuring and Schofield can pretend people are looking at Joe rather than at him. He hooks his arm around Joe's waist and finds an easy handhold in the suit's belt for extra Security. This Shape is so small; it would be Easy to get detached and lost.

Ben and Tom take the lead, winding through several corridors into a larger, open waiting space. There are rows and rows of seats and around the edges of the space, several kiosks are arrayed. Many of them have enticing smells.

"Our shuttle isn't for another few hours," Ben says, after he goes over to look at the big, flashing schedule on a display in the centre of the space. "Let's find somewhere to stake out and get something to eat."

"Finally!" Tom exclaims. His earlier melancholy has been completely replaced with eager interest. "I'm starving."

"When aren't you starving?" Joe asks, resigned. "Here, Scho -- go see what there is with Tom. I'll stake out a spot here."

Schofield isn't too keen on leaving Joe's shadow, but he lets go anyway. Tom chatters eagerly about the sustenance options and after a few minutes it is engaging enough that Schofield loses his reluctance somewhat; Tom's cheerful confidence is also a little contagious. 

There is a tremendous amount of sustenance available. Half of the kiosks boast of "home cooking," which is, Tom tells him, where they replicate Ingredients of dishes and Cook them to produce the dish instead of relying on a Replicator to approximate it. MIRA had facilities to assist in that as well, but Schofield, only Human-shaped for a few days, did not have an opportunity to make use of them. Tom cheerfully buys an assortment of things and returns to Joe with Schofield in tow. Ben joins them a moment later with some food of his own as Tom eagerly splits his purchases between his brother and Schofield. 

"It's good," Schofield says in surprise, trying a bite of the Cooked food. He tries another and muses over How. The textures are different and there is a new flavor to it, somehow; it is appealing to his Tongue. He stuffs more in his mouth. "It's  _ really _ good."

"The cooked stuff is always better," Ben mumbles through a bite of a  _ massive _ sandwich. "Replicators just don't get it right."

"We can teach you a little when we're on Polus," Joe offers, to Schofield's astonishment. "It's fun to do."

"Okay," Schofield says. He has no idea what it will entail, but he is interested to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, y'all!
> 
> The chapter count is a guess. I have no flipping clue how long this will be. I kept trying to plan this out and decided I needed to Stop Doing That -- or I'd never write any of it! -- SO WE'RE WINGING IT JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS SERIES OK
> 
> I've got a number of things I'm working on and life is _really busy_ so I have no idea how updates are going to work but I'm aiming for one every 24-48 hours at least. --But hey! I finally finished my third-longest work for this fandom and _aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,_ it feels so _good!_
> 
> Huge thanks to the Officers' Club discord server and the Longfic Lads for being amazing humans with wonderous love and support <3 ilu all!


	2. Impostor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating and tags have CHANGED. Warnings for: graphic depictions of violence, character death (temporary), and, as always, PTSD.

After the meal, Schofield finds he feels lethargic. It seems to be a combination of boredom and a full stomach; Tom is similarly sleepy. He teaches Schofield the trick of balancing against each other in a manner that enables them to successfully nap, which, Schofield discovers, is excellent. He falls asleep and sleeps soundly for the full hour he is out. 

The shuttle they board a few hours later is not luxurious. There are several others who board it, all Humans, but none of them are flying so far as Polus. Schofield, Joe, Tom, and Ben are assigned a compartment together, one with four tiny fold-out beds, a pop-up table, and four seats that lock into the walls for take-off and landing.

"It's a good thing there's four of us," Ben comments, "else we'd have someone random in with us as well."

The Humans are tired. Even Tom is irritable, tired from the waiting even as he is frustrated with too much energy. After they have taken off, he shows Schofield (who feels Equally bouncy) a series of exercises that are designed to be done within a limited area, and by the time it comes for them to sleep, Schofield is -- not precisely settled, exactly, but he has expended enough energy that lying in the tiny bunk bed (Well-Sized for him with his Smaller frame) is not unwelcome.

As he listens to His Humans shifting around him -- they are Trying to Find a Comfortable Spot -- Schofield finds there is just a sort of Delight to Hearing the noises they make. It makes him Feel like he Isn't Alone -- he is Part of a Unit. More than one partner is nice . . .

. . . Schofield is in the cramped little compartment on MIRA. He fights disorientation: he is back to the way he was before he lost his Mass, back in his largest Human size. Before him is Tom, tied to the chair. 

"Why did you come to MIRA Headquarters?" he asks Tom. Something is wrong. Schofield is Not intending to Say these things, but he is, anyway. He thinks he knows what is coming. His chest Aches and he Feels Sick.

"Don't do this, Scho," Tom says urgently. He feels like  _ unease _ but he does not quite feel like fear, not yet. He does Not think Schofield will Do this.

_ No no no no no. _ Schofield knows what this is. He has Done It Before in a Hundred other Shapes to a Hundred Others. The Horror Creeps In. His body makes the Expected movements: he hits Tom with the back of his hand, a blow Designed to jar and diSorient. It snaps Tom's head back. 

"Why did you come to MIRA Headquarters?" Schofield repeats, coolly. A mark appears on One cheekBone and Schofield wants to cry.

"Scho, please," Tom stutters. He is Shocked now, staring at Schofield with the Beginning of Fear. "Stop -- this isn't you!"

"Why did you come to MIRA Headquarters?" Schofield asks softly.

Tom swallows and a look of Determination settles in his shoulders. "I know this isn't what you want to do," he says instead of answering.

He isn't wrong. Schofield does not want this, wants this to stop, does not want to hear the cut-off yelp Tom emits when Schofield punches him in the stomach. "--Scho,  _ please," _ he wheezes. The look he shoots Schofield is bewildered and filled with betrayal.

_ Stop, _ Schofield thinks, but he does not. It does not seem to matter that Tom Was The First to show Kindness, the First genuinely altruistic Kindness Schofield had ever experienced -- he repeats his questions and his violeNce until Tom's eye is black and his lip split and he cries, still begging. He rePeats them until Tom ceases pleading, starts to choke on the blood that comes from a bitten tongue and a broken nose. He repeats them until someoNe puts hands on his shoulders and murmurs, "Just like that -- just like that. We knew you'd come back to us."

Schofield turns. Behind him is the Evaluator, Purple. She is Pleased. Schofield wants to hit her, too, or vomit on her, or -- or --  _ anything, _ but all he does is say, "Subject is at risk of expiring prematurely at this rate of abuse."

"Continue," She Orders.

Schofield feels True desperatiOn even as he easily complies. He knows now this is Not Interrogation; this is Desensitization. They are Desensitizing Him.  _ He Should Not Have Empathized. _

(Tom dies under Schofield's Hands. The Bubbling He Makes as he Dies burns into Schofield's Ear Canals and crAwls into His heart.)

Joe is brought in next. Schofield cannot Breathe -- Joe's Eyes are So Hurt. He Sees Tom being Dragged Out. He Cries in the way that Schofield is Desperate to Do when the door Closes and Tom's Body is out of Sight. "We trusted you," is all he says to Schofield's Questions. "We saved you."

_ You shouldn't have! _ Schofield tries to scream at him but Schofield's bodY still will not say anything Other than "Why did you come to MIRA Headquarters?"

It Is Unpleasant. Even As He Does His Work Methodically, Precisely, Schofield Feels The Comfort Offered Him Via Joe's Hugs. Joe Has Let Him Sleep In His Lap; He Has Guarded Schofield As He Slept. Not Too Long Ago, He Held Schofield Close To Ease The Anxiety Of Being So Visible.  _ No, _ Schofield Pleads, but His Hands Do Not Falter as they Break Bones and Split Skin and Wrench Cries.  _ No no no no no no no no no no . . . _

At the last, Joe falls quiet. He hangs in his bonds and barely responds to either word or touch, not even to Flinch. 

Schofield does not recognise his voice. He does not know how he can speak without choking. "Subject is at risk of expiring prematurely at this rate of abuse."

"Noted," the Evaluator states. She stops him for a moment and washes his hands; bandages his split knuckles as tenderly as Joe and Tom and Aunt Polly splinted his fingers when they sheltered him from Hepburn and Mackenzie. 

When she is finished, she hands him a device that crackles ominously with the buzz of electricity. "Continue."

He does. Joe dies seizing, face contorted into a rictus of something so Different from the Kindness Schofield is Accustomed To that he Does Not Recognise him -- even as He Knows He Will Never Remember Joe Looking Anything Other Than He Does Now.

Ben is brought in. He Has Been Fighting. He looks around Wildly and Does Not Seem To Comprehend Schofield is the one with the Instruments. He sees Joe on the floor and hiS face tWists and says,  _ "No," _ and Schofield is compeLled to say, "Yes," and Ben lookS at him and his face goes still.

"I knew it," he says, exhausted and despairing.

Something Snaps in Schofield. He takes up a scalpel and plunges it into Ben's eye and he can't tell if the screaming is Ben's or Schofield's own--

\--imPACT -- breath Gone,  _ wheeze _ \-- on the floor, he is on the Floor, he is not In The Compartment anymore; he scrambles to Find his Bearings and fetches up shorT. This isn't the right Shape. Everything Responds Wrong.

"Scho?" He cannot keep from flinching --  _ no no no no _ not AGAIN,  _ he will NOT HURT THEM AGAIN-- _

He bangs his head against something as he dodges The Hands that Reach Out and it sends him reeling.  **_Alarm/fear_ ** blasts through him and he sobs -- he is trapped, he is in the corner, they are Bigger and he Cannot Get Out Unless He Hurts and he  _ Won't-- _

**_Worry/distress/fear/confusion_ ** is displaced with a flat  **_okay._ ** It rams Schofield and knocks him Somewhere Else; he breathes.  **_Okay_ ** is not anywhere near Happy but the numbness in its neutrality is a Balm. Inhaling is sharP But he does it again and It Is Easier. Something is Steady and Offers Singular Pressure, a point Of Reference for Schofield to orient On.

With it, he can Parse his circumstances. He is pressed in the corner, jammed as far as he can manage behind one of the Seats affixed to the Wall. He is shaking -- crying, the way he wanted to all through -- was it a Nightmare? It must have been a Nightmare. He can sense His Humans are near, though only One is touching him -- a Hand on the side of his neck.

"Calm down," says Ben. Schofield feels helpless -- calm down  _ how _ \-- but then he adds, "Come on, you know he reacts to our emotions. Get a grip before he hyperventilates."

Tom mutters unhappily. Joe sounds remorseful when he swears.

"Sorry," Schofield croaks out. The pressure inside his throat is Easing enough that he can manage something other than those frustratingly Animal whimpers, but not much; this Body is still Insistent on expressing His Horror. 

"Don't be," Joe replies immediately. "--Here, I'll take him."

"No!" All he can Remember is How It Felt as Joe died under his Hands Even Though Joe Was Kind and Schofield throws himself backwards, he has to protect them -- he can't get out,  _ he cannot escape-- _

"Both of you, outside," Ben says, voice Sharp. He does not let go and  **_okay_ ** is there but in the face of Schofield's panic, it isn't more than a suggestion--

\--the Door snicks. There is Only  **_okay_ ** and it is joined by  **_calm._ **

"Breathe in," Ben coaxes. "Feel the floor beneath you? Breathe out. Those tiles can get bloody cold if you aren't careful. Breathe in."

Ben does it With Him. It makes it Easier. Schofield follows Ben's instructions and his emotions as they settle firmly into  **_calm_ ** (and, faintly,  _ sleepy) _ until he finally Stops Crying and the Only Thing he feels is Tired. 

"May I pull you out of there?" Ben asks, quietly. His emotions thrum with  **_calm/safe/calm._ **

Schofield doesn't want to fight that. Silently, he lets Ben tug him forward and out of the Cramped space. He slides easily across the metal sheeting -- Ben is right, the fake tiles are chilly -- aided by the soft cloth of the shorts and Joe's shirt. Very, very slowly, making sure that Schofield sees it coming, Ben tugs him forward until he is close enough to Feel the Warmth that Ben produces. 

It is only when Schofield is tipped against Ben that he shudders, hard, and feels things Ease. He should have Remembered he Cannot Sleep, he thinks bitterly. (Schofield has to swallow; his throat is clogging up. Why is Being Human so  _ hard?) _

"So," Ben says after an appropriate Length of Time has passed. He keeps his voice gentle. "Tell me about it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUCH LOVE TO EVERYONE. DEAR READERS, YOU ARE THE _LIGHT OF MY LIFE!_
> 
> Unexpectedly, life got in the way. Writing this chapter was Super Emotional! Comfort is on the wayyyyy, I promise. Also, I dyed my hair purple. LIVE LONG AND PROSPER, Y'ALL


	3. Immediate Assistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand here's the comfort! (of a sort)

Schofield does not want to talk about it. What good would it do? Just thinking of the Nightmare Images reminds him how Real It Felt. Schofield may never have Interrogated Humans like that, but he has Interrogated Many times Before.

"Sorry," he repeats. The **_calmer_ ** he feels, the more his sense of Disproportionate Overreactions manifests. He is Embarrassed he has caused so much trouble. "It was just -- a dream. I'm sorry for waking you all."

Ben listens patiently but he is Not Convinced. "It seemed a little more than that," he says mildly. "You were talking in your sleep right before you fell out of the bed."

Schofield finds that his whole Shape Vibrates, until his Bones Rattle. This time it is from Dread. He isn't sure why -- there is No logical reason to feel this way -- but he thinks They must have Heard what He Was Doing. How he Failed To Stop.

"I didn't want it," he says quickly, desperate to forestall any Rejection. "I didn't want to do it--" and then he is having Trouble breathing. The Weight of Doing Things He Didn't Want To and Knowing He Would Not Cease is Crushing and Squeezes All The Air Out. 

There's a confusing mix of **_alarm/concern/sadness/sympathy_ ** that makes him hiccough on _yet another Bloody Sob_ before Ben mutters something that sounds uncomplimentary and pulls him in roughly for, objectively speaking, an Awkward Hug. Ben doesn't seem very comfortable with it and, initially, Schofield isn't either, what with how his nose is squashed into Ben's shoulder, but the Instant this Shape Feels The Pressure of the Embrace it decides to Sag and the Weight seems to Lift.

It is Strange how much Touching seems to Ease Things for Humans. --How much it Eases things for _him . . ._

Schofield pulls away after a moment. Ben's low-grade _discomfort_ vanishes and the **_calm_ ** returns. Schofield thinks he can manage this. "I was Interrogating," he mumbles in explanation. "It was for -- for -- Desensitization." 

Despite his Best Efforts, he can't do more than look at the Floor. He would dearly like to Sink Into It. "I couldn't stop," he confesses, voice Very small. "I did it. I didn't stop."

"Would you have stopped if you weren't in a dream?" Ben wants to know, steady.

Schofield struggles. He doesn't know how to answer that. There are So Many Factors that Might Influence him in Such A Scenario. He Might Not Have A Choice. "I'd try?" he says finally, but it wavers. It is clear he Does Not Know. 

Ben is not comforted by this answer. **_unease_ ** comes across clearly in his touch, but not enough to displace the **_calm;_** Ben appears to be thinking. Schofield continues to Breathe. The Repetitive pattern and Stillness of Waiting is -- oddly soothing.

"You should sleep with someone," Ben says abruptly. "Not me -- Joe, maybe."

Schofield blinks at him, jostled from the Stupor. "Why?"

There's a tap on the compartment door. "Ben? Can we come back in?" Tom asks plaintively through it.

Schofield flinches Physically, anxiety spiking. He knows it was only in the Nightmare, but he cannot face Tom or Joe after what he's done.

"In a minute," Ben answers, which is Human for _not yet, but soon._

Schofield is shaking Again and the Noises return. Ben has already noticed, though. He keeps the hand on Schofield's neck and offers his other; Schofield takes it. **_Calm/safe/sleepy_ ** washes over him, briefly magnified by Two points of contact.

"Touch helps, right?" Ben asks as the tremors subside. "With the emotions?"

"With reading them?" Schofield asks, rattled. Ben nods and Schofield grasps for scattered Thoughts. "Yeah. Yeah, it makes them -- clearer. Louder?"

"Like right now?"

Schofield squeezes the hand he is holding and leans into the other. "Calm," he says, forcing himself to Focus on the Steady. "You're calm. It helps."

"So sleep with one of us," Ben tells him. "If the emotions come through touch, they'll come through while we sleep. And you need sleep."

Schofield isn't sure this makes sense, necessarily, but muzzy as he feels right now he knows Not Sleeping is no longer an option. But -- no. "Why Joe?" he asks, alarmed. "Why not you?"

Ben's eyes are sharp. Schofield has the squirming sensation that he knows Exactly why Schofield does not want to see Joe and Tom right now. "I get nightmares too," Ben says, though, instead of commenting on it. "It'd be just our luck if one of mine tipped you into one of yours."

Schofield's skin crawls. He knows he needs to do this but he _can't_ do this, not right now. Ben knows -- Ben is calm -- Ben _knows._ Schofield still can't trust himself around Joe or Tom but Ben already knows not to trust Schofield -- and this isn't rational at all, but Schofield is, suddenly, too _tired_ of all of this to care. 

"Just for tonight. Please?" he begs. Ben is not happy with the idea, but Schofield can't stand it -- can't . . . "I'll work it out with them tomorrow," he promises the Human desperately. "But I can't -- not right now, _please."_

Ben's reluctance is giving way to concern. He studies Schofield's expression for a moment longer and Schofield feels the sudden resignation almost before Ben sighs and looks away. "Fine," he says, capitulating. "But you're still speaking to them when they come in. They spent half our time on MIRA coming up with reasons to visit you -- they'll be worried sick."

Schofield wants to choke, but he holds his breath until the impulse passes and swallows and nods. There is some lingering resentment in Ben at the moment and Ben is Already doing him a Great Favor. 

"Here, let's clean you up at least a little," Ben mutters, and the mood passes as swiftly as it Arose. He spits into the hem of his shirt and uses the dampened cloth to scrub away some Mess on Schofield's face. Though his hands are Brisk, they are Careful; and Schofield has a Sense of Being Cleaner, after.

Ben is kind enough to Wait until Schofield has crawled into his bunk before he opens the door and Says something quiet to the brothers Outside. Schofield is acutely aware of The low conversation -- he hears and feels the worry, suddenly, as though Opening The Door was enough to sharpen his Senses. He Still feels like they should not trust him, but now he feels guilty, too, for Not Wanting To Talk To Them Tonight.

Tom and Joe come in swiftly after that. Tom is first, crowding up against the bunk anxiously and Looming -- and Schofield briefly remembers Tom's disbelief and betrayal in the Dream and Shies away before Recalling himself -- and Tom's expression crumbles a bit and his sudden Remorse hits Schofield and leaves him Breathless.

Tom puts a Brave face on to cover his Hurt. "Are you doing all right, then?" he asks, anxious.

"Yeah," Schofield manages to get out. His voice is Very Small. He clears his throat and succeeds in producing a slightly louder volume. "Yeah. Sorry for waking you."

Tom's relief when Schofield uncurls enough from his defensive Huddle to squeeze Tom's hand is so Palpable that Schofield nearly melts into the thin mattress. Tom's relief is echoed by Joe, who, after crouching a bit and making his outline appear Smaller, also takes the time to briefly exchange hand squeezes. Then they are clambering into their own beds and Ben slaps the light switch to dim back to nocturnal levels.

"This is going to be tight," Ben murmurs when he hoists himself up. Schofield squishes as close to the wall as he can -- the Bunk, large for His size, is not Suited to two. Nevertheless Ben settles in with a soft noise. Schofield is briefly startled when Ben fits himself behind Schofield, wrapping an arm around Schofield's abdomen and tucking his knees behind Schofield's -- but this position makes the most of the limited space and is surprisingly comfortable. 

Ben pulls the thin blanket over them both and finally seems comfortable. "Apologies in advance if I _do_ knock you into another nightmare," he adds, dryly amused.

Schofield already feels the balm of **_sleepy/calm_ ** seeping into his Bones. "Incapacitate me if I do something bad," he mumbles in a Poor Retort. The combination of Warmth and Emotions pull him into Sleep before he hears Ben's response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @YONDERLIGHT @BEXINTHESKY @THELONELAMP @MAGICALTEAR @WRITEYOUROWNSTORY @CADASTRE -- _actual solid St. Peter Rocks_ <3 <3 <3 I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Everyone else -- CADASTRE HURTS MY HEART IN THE BEST WAY. [GO READ THIS FIC WHERE WILL DIES AND TOM LIVES, OK](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29854044)


	4. Debrief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Schofield wakes slowly and with great disorientation. Everything is muddled. His Head Feels Full. And he is cold. When he moves, he Discovers the space beside him is Empty. (Why does he think it Oughtn't be Empty?) 

Schofield opens his eyes and Sees he is on the Lower bunk. His bunk was the Higher, but he is on the Lower, and--

The events of last night come back to him in a Rush. Unlike last Night, Schofield is not immediately driven to Terror; he is mostly Bemused by his Own Reactions.

"Scho?" Tom's face swims into view. "Aha! You _are_ awake. Time for breakfast!"

"Oh," Schofield says. He rubs his Eyes, which feel Grainy, but it doesn't seem to help him Wake Up any faster. "Okay."

He crawls out of the bunk. Everything Aches and This Shape seems to be unusually Heavy, as though Schofield wanted to Keep the Child's Size and packed his Excess Mass into Bone Density.

Ben is not there. Neither is Joe. It is just Tom and he is already dressed. 

"Meals are in the common room," Tom tells him, seeing Schofield's confusion. "Ben and Joe went on ahead."

Schofield feels a little Off, hearing that. He is not sure why. He can think about it Later, though, and busies himself Getting Dressed.

"Are you feeling better?" Tom asks as they leave the room and head through the corridors. 

It breaks Schofield out of his thoughts. His Human feels Worried. Schofield's sense Of shame is magnified, abruptly. Schofield has Really added to Tom's Stress, he realises, finally taking notice of the _worry/anxious/upset_ in Tom. 

"Yeah," he says. He takes Tom's hand and squeezes it, hoping to offer Reassurance. 

Tom looks at him with Concern and Uncertainty for a moment before his expression Cracks into something softer. "If you say so," he says, unconvinced. But then Tom smiles, too, and leans in and cheekily adds, "Never seen a boy your age want to hold hands this long, though."

Schofield prefers the contact but he lets go anyway. He is already Aware he stands out due to his Apparent Youth. Joe explained this after the Meal at the Suttle Station and confirmed Schofield's previous observations that Humans are very Particular about their Young.

Ben and Joe are already Eating. This Shuttle does not Have the Replicator capabilities that Schofield has previously experienced -- it has Very Limited Options. He gets some of the plain, hot Cereal they ate on the Skeld.

Ben doesn't Feel any different when he sees Schofield but Joe, like Tom, is all Anxiety. Some of this is replaced by Relief when he turns to see why Ben Waves.

"Hey Scho," he says with Great Casualness. "Feeling better?"

"Yes," Schofield says, more firmly. He is Hugely relieved -- the Immediacy of the feelings following his Nightmare seem to be Lesser. He is still Bothered by the memory, but Dream Joe isn't as real when Schofield sees and Feels Joe now. 

"Well," Ben says before either Tom or Joe can jump into the conversation, "we can talk about that later. Eat up for now."

So directed, chatter is sparse. The other Humans probably attribute it to tiredness -- few are curious about the Quiet. As a result, breakfast goes quickly. All of His Humans are apprehensive or anticipatory (or Both) and Schofield finds it Affects him as well. Perhaps it is that he is Still Tired that makes it more difficult to ignore. He suspects they will Ask him more questions when they return to their compartment.

Whatever the case, Schofield's Cereal is less Tasty than usual and he has to keep his Hands in his lap to Not Fidget. It is a chore to eat it.

By the time they return, Schofield is resigned. The Humans clearly expect Something out of this Conversation and Schofield isn't sure What. Ben in particular is Hiding something, which hurts, a little -- but then Schofield pulls himself out of the Strange Human Hurt and thinks, instead. It is clear Ben has had similar experiences, from last night; that he is not forthcoming -- and that he alone was able to deduce Schofield's true purpose on the Skeld -- points to prior familiarity with Impostors. It is little wonder He has not shared these with Schofield.

Schofield decides to broach the matter himself and starts with, "I'm sorry for waking you all last night," because, increasingly in the relatively better cognition of Being Awake, he feels more and more Foolish for his reactions. Too, this is the Trick with Humans, he has learned: apologising is usually an acceptable way of deflating Ire. 

"Don't be," Joe repeats, surprised, as Tom makes an inarticulate noise and Ben sighs. "Did you get enough sleep?"

Schofield is unsure if he has taken the right course of action. There is Chagrin and Exasperation and, despite his best attempts, Anger in them now. 

Well, perhaps this is how he can Make Amends. Answering Questions and Offering Information is usually a Gesture of Collaboration and Trust. (And keeping silent about the Nightmares Hasn't done him much good, either.)

"I still feel tired," he admits, buying time to puzzle through their responses, "but it's more sleep than I'm usually able to get."

The Humans exchange looks. It is one of those times when they all appear to come to a conclusion without speaking aloud. 

\--This time, though, Schofield thinks he can read it, Too. Ben seems to be Warning Joe, but also ceding Prerogative; he will not be the Head of this Interrogation. Tom, meanwhile, looks at Joe with Expectancy. Joe seems to have the greatest objection to Ben not Taking Charge and does not really Notice Tom deferring to him, taking it in Stride.

"Right," Joe says after a moment. He looks around and pulls out one of the seats. Tom does the same at nearly the same moment, and helps Schofield with one (although Schofield doesn't need the assistance). "How much sleep do you normally get?"

The Interrogation that follows is Fraught. Joe and Tom are increasingly upset at Schofield's responses as he tells them that, before now, he has not tried to sleep because of the Nightmares; yes, he can go without sleep, but no, it is not ideal at present; it is not ideal because he cannot hide the volume of sustenance both regaining Mass and offsetting the loss of sleep would require.

"But I don't understand," Tom interjects, finally. "Nightmares are bad and all, but -- if they were this awful, why didn't you _say_ something?"

Schofield is very tired at this point. It is startlingly Exhausting feeling the Tangle of sharpness from Ben's corner with Tom and Joe's Distress, managing Schofield's Own Impulses to Hide, and Trying To Answer In Such A Way That He Is Not Misinterpreted. "It is not standard," he replies, the words Sharp And Bitter.

"What does that mean?" Joe asks.

Schofield does not want to Answer. His tongue seems to Twist on itself, which is strange, but Perhaps it is overtired. He does not Speak this much, normally.

"Failure," he says at last, striving for the Clearest explanation. Sensing the blank incomprehension, he reminds them, "Failure requires Termination."

There is a Welter of Emotions at that. Schofield has to clutch the arms of the seat and shake his Head to Fight Them.

"You've said that before," Ben notes from his corner. It is the first time he has spoken during this Process. He never sat down; he has been standing, instead. "Do you mean death? It was a death sentence?"

All of the Humans React Negatively. Schofield does not Understand and has a creeping Suspicion that He Is In The Wrong. Ben's tone is Challenging and Schofield does not want To Upset him more. "What is a death 'sentence'?" he asks, unwilling to proceed further without clarification.

There is another pause, worse than the Previous. "When you are killed," Ben answers finally. Joe Feels Ill and Tom is Very Upset.

Schofield feels cold. "I don't know," he says, speaking to Ben directly. He Doesn't like to think about the ones he Knew. "But I never saw them again."

There is a Very Long Silence. Schofield's Head Pounds but he keeps his Head up and Stares back.

"I need to take a walk," Ben says abruptly, tersely, and leaves the compartment without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POSTING ON MY ACTUAL BIRTHDAY, HAPPY HOBBIT BIRTHDAY TRADITIONS Y'ALL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
> 
> One year ago I was working on the first chapter of [We are the Dead](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23126143/chapters/55336849)!!!! AMAZING HOW TIME FLIES!!!!


	5. Reconciliation

In the wake of Ben's departure, Schofield does his Best to do the Steady Breathing everyone keeps coaching him with. Joe is Conflicted, Tom is Confused, and Schofield rather feels as Though it is all Too Loud.

"Well," Joe says aloud after a brief pause. "At least we know what the problem is, now." 

The smile Schofield Offers isn't precisely Real, but Joe Feels better once he manages it. "Did you have nightmares when you slept with Ben?" he asks next.

"Not that I recall." 

"That's a good starting place," Joe says, and volunteers with, "Tom hogs everything if you try sleeping with him but I don't mind moving over if you want to give it a go." 

"Hey!" Tom protests. "I wouldn't do it to  _ him." _

"Oh, so you only ever did it to me on purpose?"

"I can sleep with Tom tonight?" Schofield ventures. "And you tomorrow?"

Tom looks pleased; Joe is Amused. "All right then," Joe says. His voice Indicates the matter is Settled. 

\--And so it appears to Be. Joe excuses himself shortly thereafter -- presumably to go find Ben, although he does not explicitly state it -- leaving Tom and Schofield to stay in the compartment. Schofield finds it a relief to have One Less Mind to feel.

But Tom is Somber again. He is still sitting where he was and watches Schofield with a small frown. Schofield doesn't like it. It makes him Feel like something is wrong.

"I'm really sorry," Schofield says, using that small Voice that tends to make Adult Humans deflate. What else is he supposed to try? He is absolutely at a Loss; he does not Know what to do and, moreover, his Mind apparently does not  _ want _ to do anything useful, like sort out a solution. But Tom is Hurting and Schofield is the cause.

Tom blinks. "What?" he says. "Oh -- no, no. Sorry, it's just -- I can't believe the nightmares are so bad for you. I don't think I've ever had a nightmare so bad I'd rather stay awake than risk it."

"Oh," Schofield says. He Feels -- hot, a little twisting Sensation in his stomach that is not pleasant. He wishes he Had the same experience as Tom. "They've always been an obstacle to a successful mission. We are given tablets that repress them, especially if it is a long-term mission."

"What? Really?" Tom is Incredulous. "What happened to yours? Did you run out?"

Schofield shakes his head. "They don't work anymore."

"Oh," Tom says, Crestfallen. He was briefly Elated at the thought of a Solution. "Really? That's shite, what'd they stop working for?"

The question is rhetorical; Tom is very nice. Impulsively, Schofield Hugs him. It is very Different doing it now: where Schofield used to be able to Fit Tom under his arm, now he must Wrap both around Tom's middle to squeeze adequately. "I really  _ am _ sorry," Schofield says for Good Measure, feeling Thickness in his throat. "I don't mean to upset you."

Tom pats his Shoulder and then hugs back as Schofield's Shape starts to Bloody Well Cry Again. (Schofield Really Hates Crying.) "It'll be all right," he says. Although his tone is Reassuring, his mood is Bemused, and, initially, it is Not Helpful. Still, he lets Schofield Recollect himself after and offers Company to the bathing facilities and, in short order, Schofield feels more capable.

Joe returns with Ben in tow after some hours and the whole of them pass the time Quietly. Tom is playing with the Mobile device as Schofield watches when they come in; Schofield follows his Example and does not comment on the watchful concern in Joe's expression nor how Red Ben's eyes have become.

The shuttle makes four stops that day. The lot of them have no Tasks and that makes the time they spend Tedious. Schofield succeeds in securing a Moment with Joe alone much later and Offers a personal Apology, which Joe predictably brushes off and then responds to with a much less awkward hug than what Tom managed. He feels Accepting and does this Human thing that involves pressing mouths to skin, leaving an Imprint on Schofield's forehead.

"I'm just glad you're feeling better," he tells Schofield, and rubs Schofield's hair quickly. "Thank you for telling us about it. I know it wasn't easy."

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner," Schofield replies, Lying. He hates having to Speak about this at All, even though he is not facing any sort of detrimental judgement.

Perhaps Joe catches this. His Easiness is muffled and he feels like he would be Frowning if he weren't obviously controlling his expression when he grips both of Schofield's shoulders tightly and looks Schofield in the eye. "Hey," he says seriously. "None of us blame you. You saved us, remember?"

His words bring up unpleasant echoes. "You saved me too," Schofield says over the remembrance of Dream Joe (Whom Schofield Killed). He makes sure he is using almost no pressure at all when he Returns the hug. Joe softens and smiles and they go back.

In the afternoon, Tom becomes Very Bored and demands they all Play Games. Ben and Joe are amenable and so Schofield tries to learn them with an open mind. The games they choose are games designed for Multiple Players and involve Some Strategy, but mostly a Great Deal of Lying. Schofield makes the best of the cards he is Dealt (they are played using uniform pieces of laminate substance with numbers and shapes on them) but does not always win despite his Clear superiority in deception due to the Randomness of the Dealing. It is simultaneously Frustrating and Addicting.

Ben notices he is Irritated and moves closer. "Here's how you do it," Ben murmurs to Schofield, soft enough that Joe and Tom do not hear. "It's about probability. There are 52 cards total, made of four suits . . ."

Ben is Much Less Tense than he was earlier. However, while he is unquestionably  **_calm,_ ** Schofield Notices that a subtle jab could Shift that mood easily. Schofield doesn't bother. He understands this for the Tacit Apology it is and leans into Ben, listening closely instead, which seems to Endear him to Ben in some Peculiarly complex way which Schofield cannot even begin to Understand. Schofield does not mind; it is nice just leaning against him. Ben is Warm and his affection is Tangible. By the end of the afternoon he and Ben are sitting shoulder to shoulder and pretending not to notice each other's hands of cards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be working on the April Advance submissions, but instead -- IMPOSTORS. I think I know where this story is going. Finally figured that out!
> 
> Much love to Officers' Club peeps and to @TheLoneLamp and @ThatOneNightmare for making my week with their reviews :3 Hoping you are all safe and well in this scary time!


	6. Polus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Polus at laaaaaaaaaast_

Two days later, Schofield knows three things with Absolute Certainty: Being Asleep without Nightmares is amazing. Being Woken Up from Sleep Without Nightmares is awful. And, lastly, that Joe was not Exaggerating about Tom -- he nearly pushes Schofield out of the bed twice and actually succeeds once on the night that Schofield sleeps with him. Schofield has promised to try again when they aren't limited to Tiny Bunk Beds Very High Off The Floor.

Something shakes him. It is the Signal to Wake Up. "No," he tries to Say but it emerges as a Mumble. "Nnnnoooooo."

"C'mon, Scho," Joe says.  **_Amusement_ ** filters through the hand on Schofield's shoulder and makes him Feel Less Annoyed at the disruption. "Time to get up. We've arrived at Polus."

"Okay," Schofield says, sleepy, and is persuaded to slither off the bunk.

His Humans have started to pack up the things strewn around the Compartment. A few shirts and undershorts that were left hung out to dry are rolled up and stowed away in their compact Packs and Tom finds a Forlorn Three of Diamonds beneath one of the Seats. 

Ben is Going through his Pack instead of Putting things into it. "Come here," he says to Schofield, and gestures the same. Schofield finishes exchanging Joe's shirt for a Smaller one and quickly pulls his Suit up to zip over both.

"Not yet," Ben corrects. He hands Schofield a thick, textured shirt, one with Long Sleeves and Cuffs. It is Definitely Not A Child's. "Put this on, first. It's going to be huge on you, but Polus is bloody cold -- you'll need it."

"Oh -- damn. That's right," Joe says, startled into sudden Dismay. "I hadn't thought of that. We have some things for you that will be sent to us, but I'll have to order some cold weather gear more your size."

"It's okay if the clothes are big," Schofield tells them. "I'll need to regain Mass anyway. I'll grow." He puts on Ben's thick shirt over his smaller one and finds the Sleeves are  _ far _ too long to be useful. Joe shows him how to roll them up and does so until Schofield's hands are free. Stuffing himself back in his suit, Schofield is startled at how Bulky he has become. It is a Little Constraining to be so dressed.

"Even so, we'll definitely need to get you something smaller," Joe says, clearly noting where Schofield's Suit bulges. "It'll do for now, though. We can have you stay in the Living Quarters until we get you something that fits better."

There are some things Schofield knows about Polus, things His Humans have mentioned in passing. It is a moon; it is small; and it is also Very Far Away from a lot of other things. MIRA has Generous pay for any Employee willing to be stationed there, part of the reason His Humans took the job. Additionally, although it has a Breathable atmosphere by Human standards, it is still Thin, and wearing Helmets helps with appropriate and healthy respiration.

Nobody mentioned that Polus is aesthetically fascinating. Schofield hasn't quite seen such Deep colors so brilliantly contrasted the way It Is Here with the purple Rock and the white Snow. He marvels at it: though there does not appear to be any Sun, the Starlight is reflected Beautifully anyway, enough to make it seem bright as Day.

"Ugh," Tom says beside him. "I can barely see!"

"It's night here most of the time," Joe reminds him. "Watch your footing with this ice."

The second thing Schofield notices is the Cold. He understands why His Humans wanted him to Wear more clothing -- it Bites at his nostrils and throat when he breathes, even with his Helmet on. It is not quite as Cold as the Eternal Vacuum but it does remind him of It.

No one is Waiting to greet them. A Human in a bulky garment edged with Fur comes up to the little Launch Pad as they leave. The Human's expression is Unfriendly but -- his, he is male-analogue -- his emotions are slightly more welcoming: he is unimpressed. He points them down a path and then goes to speak with the Shuttle Crew.

"Administration is that way?" Joe guesses. 

Ben shrugs. "As good a place to start as any," he replies.

The path is Icy. Their footsteps crunch. Schofield is intrigued by the sensation -- his tac-boots are so close to the soles of his feet that he Feels the differing terrain, albeit muted. Human sensitivity is an extraordinary thing. 

Buildings, most of them set low and close to the ground, make up the Complex. Unlike MIRA HQ, there are No Windows in any of them that Schofield can see. They enter one that has ADMINISTRATION painted on the side. 

Schofield gasps. The Difference in Temperature Alone is a massive shock. It is as Notably Warm in here as it was Notably Cold outside. The Two Humans in here aren't even bothering with Suits over their clothing! It is a Relief.

"You okay there?" Joe murmurs as Ben steps forward to speak with the other Humans.

"Yeah," Schofield says, making an Effort to move his mind past the Contrast. He starts to reach for Joe's hand -- Schofield could use a friendly squeeze -- and then remembers that Children His Apparent Age Don't Do That and stops. He will just have to Deal With It.

"Ah, you're here!" the female-analogue Humans exclaims With Obvious Relief. (Schofield is equally relieved: this is no Impostor like MIRA HQ.) "Excellent. We've been short for a few weeks."

Schofield's Humans are confused. "We were under the impression our contracts didn't start until this date," Ben says for them.

"Oh, yes," the woman says. "Our last team broke their terms early is all." She waves a hand and continues before Ben can comment. "I am Stationmaster Stevenson, in charge of all operations here on Polus. Let me show you around."

The Stationmaster is Very Competent. She is Ben's height and has long, thick hair that is woven into a fat plait. She shakes all of their Hands and directs a Particularly Kind smile and a Higher-Pitched voice to Schofield when he Follows His Humans' example and offers his own. Quickly, she pulls a Pink Suit from where it hangs in one corner and has it zipped up in a trice over her clothes -- which, Schofield notes, are thick like Ben's shirt. He surmises it must be a specific Kind of garment. She directs them to leave their Packs in one corner and heads for the door.

Schofield is prepared for the Shock when they go back outside and braces himself for the slow seepage of warmth he knows he will feel. They will be here for a Long Time; it will be more beneficial in the long term to get Used To It sooner rather than later. Firmly, he Pushes it out of Mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what it is, but I hit the vibe. I'm vibing. I want to cry cuz I gotta just _vibe this alien child._ ~~It could just be the weekend.~~
> 
> Expect another update soon!!! Like, hopefully tomorrow!!!!!


End file.
